are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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