$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
