Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dick very happy bro
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
