@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
