ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
