Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
