Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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