Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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