I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
