I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
