I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
