Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
