He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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