My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
