There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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