also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
