She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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