Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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