I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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