You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
