what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
