Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
