yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
