Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
