To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
