i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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