people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
