So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
