I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
