Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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