a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
