he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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