I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
