ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My cat gives me a boner
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
