dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
