I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
