a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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