i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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