You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
