3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
