She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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