It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
