I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
