not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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