if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
