you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
