i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
