I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
