So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
