Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He felt like a one man threesome
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
